Done Being Second Best
by Raven55
Summary: Loyalty or the one you care for? Or perhaps neither. She doesn't know he cares for her and she's quite happy with someone else. But that doesn't stop him from feeling love towards her, does it. Feelings where you might not expect them...


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything related to the Harry Potter books or anything else written by J. K. Rowling. All I do own is this little bit of imagination. Please enjoy reading it.

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**- Done Being Second Best -**

I can't have you. I can't touch you or hold you. Not when you're his.

I watch as you slowly slide your fingers over his bare arm, tracing a small path down his pale wrist. Sometimes I feel my own loyalty wavering when I see things like this.

I know that I should not allow anything to come between him and me. He depends on me and he trusts me with…with everything. Well, almost everything. He's…changed.

And it doesn't help that your obvious attempts at getting some affection from him become more open for me to see all the time.

No, I wanted you from the beginning and he didn't even notice you at first. But you adored him. You adored him from the moment you met him. His face, his eyes, his strength and his authority. Perhaps even his money.

I don't know what it was you felt for him in the beginning, but I'm sure it wasn't anything like the kind of love I carry with me now.

Now you lean in to whisper in his ear. He doesn't seem amused and impatiently brushes your hands away from his arm.

I look away and stare out the window but I can still see everyone's reflections in the glass. I see you standing up and walking up behind him. You coo his name and rest your hands on his shoulders. He closes his eyes and leans his head back while your hands gently loosen the muscles of his neck.

He talks to you and I see you beam when he addresses you. Your want of his affections had become honest, hasn't it. You really do care for him now and not for his position.

I can tell that you really do care for him now even though I don't want to acknowledge it. I didn't want to know in the first place and you being so obvious about it makes the truth even more difficult to face.

I can't tell what his intentions are. I can't read him like I can read you. All I know is that he does try to impress you with his tales of his task, never revealing details but always being convincing enough for everyone to believe the dangerous work he has been burdened with.

He doesn't even tell _us_ what he's up to anymore. All he does is tell us what to do and his excuse is always the same.

'The Dark Lord told me so.'

It's always Him. _He's_ the one he fawns on now. He doesn't fear Him like he should. Or perhaps he does but he doesn't show it.

But he used to tell us what he was up to, what he was planning. I always thought we were friends, the three of us. But now he just uses us as servants.

And now he took you too. He makes you believe he cares for you but I know that he'll push you aside as soon as he's bored with you. That's what he did to us.

I watch your reflection lean down to meet his in a kiss. His thin lips touch yours and I clench my hands, forcing myself not to do anything about it.

I can't.

I'm not allowed to hurt him even though he needs to be brought back down to earth.

He's so sure of his power. A large task has been given to him and it makes him feel important. But even though he brags about it, getting rewarded with your admiring glances, I know that he has troubles completing his task.

And it doesn't matter how powerful he seems now if he ends up failing. Because if you fail to do the Dark Lord's bidding, then name or blood won't matter anymore. Parentage can't prevent His punishment.

I think he knows that, because his usual pale skin is even whiter these days. But you don't notice, do you. You only see him the way he wants to be seen. And you don't really see me at all.

I turn away from the window and look back at the two of you. You take your seat next to him again and he leans his head in your lap, allowing you to caress his hair idly. You look at me over his head and your eyes are a few degrees colder then they are towards him.

"What are you looking at so strained?"

Why do you have to talk to me in such a hard voice? I never did anything to wrong you, did I?

"You have to forgive him his frowned expression. He's not the brightest of the lot, you know that."

And why does _he_ always have to patronise me as if I am less than he is? It wasn't this bad the years before. Just this year…

"No really. What are you looking at so concentrated, Vincent. I'm curious. You've been giving us that stare a lot and I want to know what it's about."

Do you? Do you really want to know? If that was true then you would already know the answer yourself.

"Nothing." I mutter as I get up to leave the two of you behind.

If you really looked or noticed me then you would know what this is all about. But you don't look at me and you don't see me. I know why. You can't see me because you only have eyes for someone like him.

But I'm not like that. I'm not a Malfoy and I never will be. But I know that you won't be one either, no matter how long you wait and hope.

And I've decided now that I don't want to wait for you to realise that. I'm not going to be the pillow to break your fall. You're going to be very much alone when the time comes, one way or another.

And I hope that loneliness suits you because I'm done being second best to him. And I'm done wanting you. I'm done with it all.

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The End

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End file.
